The Dating Years - Three Red Roses

It is difficult to go back more than 60 years and reconstruct events in detail. However, it is my belief that events that happen within a very intense emotional experience tend to be tagged with those emotions and are easier to recall. For Jean and me, our courtship was a period of high emotion for both of us. I can remember many details of that period and when Jean and I talk about some event we both are able to "see it" in our mind. Not all the events of that period were bathed in high emotion but a great deal of them were.

Early in the week after I met Jean at the Friday night PC dance, I called the Pawtucket Memorial Hospital School of Nursing and asked to talk to Jean Savoie. At that time there was a woman at the school of nursing who functioned as the "house mother" and she monitored the students and was the person who would answer any incoming phone calls to the students. She would inform the students when they had a phone call by using a buzzer in the student's room and the students would come to the office to take the call. The students did not have phones in their individual dorm rooms. That evening when I called, Jean came to the phone and with a rather flat voice thinking it was Joe Flood said "hello." When I said that it was Jack Heslin she immediately changed her tone of voice to a warm "Oh, hello Jack." I asked her if she could go out with me on Saturday night. She hesitated and said she was already committed for that night. I then asked if she could go out on Friday night and she again declined saying she was also committed for Friday night. At that point I was getting the feeling that she was not interested in going out with me. Finally, I said I will try one more time, could she go out with me on Thursday night. She immediately said yes that she would love to.

I did not know it at the time but Jean had promised Ray Bolton, the brother of Joe Bolton who was Jean's sister Carol's boyfriend, that she would hold the weekend for him because he was leaving to go into the Army on Monday. Jean was not at all interested in Ray but because he was Joe's brother, she dated him almost as a "charity" date. When Ray had gone to basic training in the summer, he had left Jean his new Corvette car for her to use all summer.

On Thursday nights Jean regularly babysat the children of a woman who would use Thursday night to go shopping. The woman had told her that if she ever needed to cancel for the evening, she should feel free to do that. When I asked about Thursday, Jean knew she could say yes.

When I picked her up at the School of Nursing, she was not sure what I looked like because she was not wearing her glasses when she met me at the dance. She was looking out the window when I showed up and she greeted me at the door. She forgot that she still had her glasses on, and she was somewhat stressed that the glasses would detract from her appearance. She had no idea that in fact, I liked glasses on women. Who knew?

I did not have a lot of money for dating so I improvised with "interesting" low-cost dates. On that first date I took her to the Rhode Island State house in Providence to walk around and to look out over the city sky line. It was a beautiful, cool, fall evening and we enjoyed just walking and talking. It was delightful to learn how much we had in common. I remember, and Jean does also, that we were not far into our conversation when I said something about when we had children. I guess most women at that point would have been ready to bolt but not Jean.

I was smitten with Jean's beauty from the first moment I saw her and each time I saw her I was more and more attracted to her. On that night she had on an adorable little leopard pull down hat. I loved that hat. She did not know that not only did I like to see glasses on women I liked hats on women.

Jean was not a hat girl and I never saw her wear that hat again. Amazingly, she kept that hat in a little plastic bag for more than 60 years and not long ago she pulled it out and gave it to our daughter Joan. What a delight.

After our walk around the capital building, I took her to a little restaurant and we had apple pie and ice cream. Later in our dating, whenever I had a few dollars in my pocket I would say "I have some money let's go eat it up."

The next day, Friday, I picked up three red roses and brought them to the school of nursing in the late afternoon. Jean did not expect me and I already knew she had a commitment that evening. My intent was to just drop off the roses for her. When I went into the Nursing School Dormitory, I was ushered into the front parlor to sit and wait while Jean was notified that I was there. When she was notified by the house mother, she said she would be down in a few minutes. Jean thought it was Joe Flood who had been trying to talk to her since the dance and she agreed to just talk with him that evening for a few minutes. She intended to tell him that it was over and to not contact her again.

One of Jean's classmates came running up the stairs to tell Jean that it was not Joe but rather it was Jack. Jean about panicked thinking I would be there when Joe showed up. She came running down the stairs with rollers still in her hair and the house mother yelling at her that "Ms. Savoie, you can't come down here looking like that!" She greeted me in the parlor and explained the situation and said she would get rid of Joe when he showed up and then come back to talk to me. In a little while she came back into the parlor and I handed her the three red roses. I said I knew she was committed that night but I just wanted her to have the roses. I said the three roses had meaning. One represented her, one represented me, and one represented God who would be part of our relationship from the beginning. She was touched. I then left.

After that, I brought three red roses to her every Friday night that I was able to for the rest of our dating days until we were married. Between my Junior and Senior years at PC I had to attend ROTC summer camp at Fort Devens Massachusetts. During that time, I was unable to bring the roses to her.

We went out almost every weekend from that time on and at times, more frequently. I was totally in love with Jean and, sometimes, while driving through Providence, I would open the window of the car and shout at the top of my lungs; "I love Jean Savoie!"

Our dates often included doing things a little different. We would take a ferry ride on the Jamestown ferry or just ride to interesting places and most times end up in a little restaurant because I had a few bucks and we could "eat it up." One time we went to a park and I carved up some pumpkins I bought.

It was wonderful that Jean was also falling deeply in love with me. After many of our dates we would go to the Franciscan Monastery Chapel in the middle of Providence to make a visit and to pray about our love for each other and our future.

On the night I wanted to tell Jean for the first time that I loved her, it was pretty late that night, we went in through the front door as usual and knelt at the altar. Suddenly, a priest came in rather agitated, demanding to know how we got in since he had personally locked the front door. When we said we came through the front door he went and tried it himself. It was locked. Since we were already there, he let us stay for a little while.

It was while kneeling there at that Chapel that we shared some of the most significant things we wanted to say to each other. It was there that I gave Jean my college pin. It was there that I asked Jean to marry me, and it was there that I gave Jean her diamond ring. The Chapel was most often open so we would go there even if it was late in the evening. Throughout our courtship our growing Faith was at the core of our relationship.

I remember the first time I brought Jean home to meet my parents. My Mom and Dad embraced Jean right away. During our dating days, my parents were always delighted when I brought Jean over. Throughout our years of marriage, both of my parents loved Jean and my mother often referred to her as "Queeney."

I was also embraced by Jean's parents and her whole family. I remember going with the family on a Sunday afternoon to a lake in Rhode Island for a picnic and swimming. Jean told me later that she found me very attractive in my bathing suit. Jean's siblings liked me and I could sense that the boys were impressed with me. They all knew I was in ROTC at college and would be going into the Army after I graduated.

Jean's identical twin sister Joan was in a cloistered Poor Clare Monastery near Boston. One day I went with the family to visit Joan. Because she was a cloistered nun, she could not come out to greet us, she had to remain behind a metal grate to keep separation from the outside world. Joan had entered the Monastery when she was seventeen years old. Jean and Joan were very close as identical twins. On this occasion, Jean's mother asked Jean and Joan to sing together which they had done often when they were younger. Jean stood close to the metal grate and with Joan on the other side they harmonized beautifully a wonderful song. I will never forget that moment.

While Jean was somewhat concerned about meeting my parents, she was most concerned about meeting my brother-in-law, Owen Mahony. Owen was married to my older sister Teresa and had been a major part of my life since I was eight years old. She knew he had an enormous influence on me. Owen and Teresa were living in upstate New York during our dating years and at one point Teresa and Owen invited us to come up for a visit after we became engaged. We were delighted that Jean's mother and father were ok with us going on our own for the visit. They knew Jean and I were not going to do anything that would spoil their trust in us.

While up in New York, Owen took the two of us out to dinner. Jean was very nervous but Owen quickly put her at ease and we had a delightful visit. Owen was very impressed with Jean. Jean did not know at the time, but at that point in our relationship it did not matter what anyone said I was totally committed to Jean. Later, after we returned home, Owen sent Jean a beautiful letter and a small stuffed tiger with the comment that she was going to marry a tiger.

During my junior and senior years at PC I worked. Initially I worked as a mechanic on AMF pin setting machines at the Cranston Bowl bowling alley. There were 64 lanes and I was responsible for 32 machines on one side of the bowling alley. My friend Ken Claeson was the manager and hired me. It was extremely noisy working the machines but I often brought school books with me and studied them while I worked. On occasion, Jean would come to the bowling alley and visit with me. I could open the back doors and we could have a little visit. During my senior year I worked at the Fruit of the Loom textile mill for 40 hours a week. I worked from 5 pm until 3 am four days a week so I had Fridays off.

Jean was not allowed to work as a nursing student. However, because of her excellence as a student, she had a full scholarship that covered all three years of her schooling. She even had a scholarship that paid her a stipend so she often had spending money in her pocket. We went to many of the PC formal dances as well as other social events at both the school of nursing and at PC.

It was wonderful when we finally got formally engaged in January of 1965.

Jean's sister Carol had an engagement party for us and both of our families were delighted. I remember when I told my father that I was going to ask Jean to marry me he was very supportive. I think my mother was a little nervous at first but eventually she was totally supportive. Some of my family members were concerned that I would be taking Jean away from family and friends and going into the military that we knew very little about. We were confident that we could handle whatever came along.

Jean and I were very aware that, while sometimes we crossed the line regarding our physical affection, we never slept with each other before marriage and we both went into our marriage as virgins. That was unusual for young people of that time. As a result of our actions, we often felt a need to go to confession to ask for forgiveness for our behavior when we felt that we had committed a sin.

The La Salette Center in Attleboro Massachusetts offered an opportunity to go to confession on Saturday evenings and Jean and I decided that it would be the best place for us to go to confess our sins. The first time we went Jean went into the confessional first. When she came out, she turned around to read the name of the priest. His name was Father Gilles Genest. When she came back to the pew she said the priest was wonderful so I also went in to confess my sins.

It would be impossible to overstate the enormous impact Father Gil had on our lives. He was our best friend and spiritual advisor for the rest of his life. He loved us and our children as we all loved him. He visited us in every home we lived in to include our current home in Carolina Shores N.C. Throughout our marriage Gil has been the guiding light that has brought us through the many storms we faced. He never picked sides but treated each of us as equal and was not judgmental of either of us. Our life with Gil is filled with so many memories.

At some point, Gil told us that there was going to be an engaged couples retreat at the La Salette Retreat Center and invited us to attend which we did. The retreat was run by Gil and his partner Fr. Bourgeois, who was a young and very handsome priest. Fr. Bourgeois also played a guitar and sang beautiful folk songs. Without a doubt, most of the other couples that weekend were more attracted to Fr. Bourgeois than Fr. Gil who was rather overweight and did not entertain us with music. Because there was no line waiting to see Fr. Gil for our counseling session, Jean and I decided to go to him. We went in as a couple and began a life long relationship with this incredible priest. After the retreat, Fr. Gil invited us to come back and be speakers at the next engaged couples retreat which we did.

In those final months before our wedding, we were very busy preparing for the event. I was still working full-time at night at the mill and going to class in the day. Jean was working at the Foxborough Medical Center in Massachusetts which was about 40 minutes from her home. She was hired right out school as the Head Nurse for an Intensive Care unit in the hospital. During her year of employment, she agreed to turn over about three fourths of her pay to her parents. She had talked to me about that, and we both agreed that would be a good thing to do.

I was making good money at the mill and I also was receiving a monthly stipend from the ROTC program. I was able to buy a lovely diamond ring for Jean and pre-pay our honeymoon trip to Bermuda. By then, I had traded my Oldsmobile car on a new 1964 Corvair Monza car.

Jean and I were totally in love with each other and worked as a team as the wedding day approached.

While neither of our parents had much money to spend on us, we planned and paid for almost all the expenses associated with our wedding ourselves.

My parents were very supportive of us in any way they could be. We often had Sunday dinners with my Mom and Dad.

One of the most important decisions we had to make in the spring of my senior year was our future with the Army. Jean was not a big fan of going into the Army, but she was very supportive of me. Our plan was that after I served two years of active duty in the military as a reserve officer, I would get out and go to Boston College to get a master's degree in Social Work like Owen had done. Because I would have a Reserve Commission, I would owe the Army an additional two years in the reserves. At that time, there was an awareness of a conflict going on in South East Asia, Vietnam, but we were not concerned.

I had done exceptionally well at the ROTC summer camp; and when I returned to PC, I was made a cadet Lieutenant Colonel and given command of one of the two cadet battalions. I was also designated as a Distinguished Military student. As a result of that, I was offered a Regular Army Commission. There were only a few Regular Army Commissions offered. The ROTC faculty member who had the greatest impact on me was Major Evangelos. If I accepted an RA Commission, I would have to go on active duty immediately on graduating from PC which was June 1, 1965 and we were getting married on June 5th. In addition, I would be going into an Infantry assignment and must serve three years on active duty but I would not have to serve any reserve time when I got out. After talking with Jean, I told Major Evangelos I was going to decline the RA Commission. He was clearly disappointed with my choice, but he honored it.

After reflecting on what our future was looking like I said to Jean that maybe we should reconsider the RA Commission. She hesitated but we both agreed to put a "fleece" out to see what God's Plan might be. Throughout our lives we have often put out fleeces to help us discern what might be the best decision. In this case we decided if I was offered the RA Commission again, I would take it. I knew it was very unlikely that I would be offered the RA again.

Several weeks after declining the RA, Major Evangelos contacted me and said they were about to send in the final packets and once again offered me the RA. Based on our decision to trust in God, I immediately accepted the RA and that has made all the difference in how our lives have unfolded.

Because I would be entering active duty on the day that I graduated we would be getting paid and have military benefits immediately. As a Regular Army Officer I was being assigned to the 82nd Airborne Division in Fort Bragg NC. In addition, I learned I could take two weeks leave immediately upon graduation even before I had served a single day on active duty. That was the critical time we needed for our wedding and honeymoon. I had no idea at the time, but because I was commissioned on June 1st, five days ahead of the 1965 graduating class from West Point, I would have an advantage of date of rank for my entire military career. Who knew? We know Who knew.

Jean attended my graduation and it was a proud day for both of us.

The final preparations for our wedding created a whirlwind of activity for both of us. We had all the invitations out with all our families and friends set to attend. Jean's Dad was able to point us to a hall in Pawtucket we could use for the reception. Jean had been given her sister Carol's wedding dress which was in poor condition, but she had it cleaned and a friend did the necessary repairs to make it beautiful.

Jean found and hired a caterer for the event and all the necessary flowers were purchased. Jean had a beautiful corsage with three red roses in it. On the day of the wedding, I drove to Jean's house to drop off the flowers. When I got out of the car I had on a brown sweater and Jean about panicked when she looked out the window and saw me without a tuxedo. She sent out one of her brothers to ask where my tux was and I pointed to the back seat of the car where the jacket was hung up. That was a great relief to Jean.

Our mass was set for 11:00 at St. Leo's church in Pawtucket. We had five priest friends who would be on the altar for the Mass. We were so pleased that the weather that day was perfect and we have wonderful pictures of the entire event. We were Blessed beyond our wildest imaginations that day and we have been ever since.

My brother Joe, who had been my best man, drove us to Boston Massachusetts where we stayed for a night in a hotel near the airport so we could catch our flight to Bermuda the next day at Logan airport.

Both of us remember that on that first night together as husband and wife, we had promised that we would take time before anything else to pray in thanksgiving. Before we got into bed we knelt beside the bed and prayed in thanksgiving to God for the wonder of it all.

We got to Bermuda on Sunday for our week-long honeymoon at the lovely little hotel called Harmony Hall. It was a wonderful and exciting time for both of us. We decided to rent a couple of mopeds to tour the island. As we left the parking lot, I was in the lead with Jean not far behind me. The streets were very narrow and as I went down the hill the road turned 90 degrees to the left. I barely made the corner as a small sports car whizzed past me. I looked over my shoulder thinking the car would hit Jean. What I saw amazed me as the little sports car drove well up on the bank to avoid hitting Jean. To this day I count it as a miracle that I did not become a widower on my honeymoon. God is good.

We had a wonderful honeymoon and safely returned home to begin our big adventure of life in the military.